I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize