I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
