saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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