just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize