That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fill condoms, not promises.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
