i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
