well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize