Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
