Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
