oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
40s are totally the cure
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
