Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
