My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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