My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize