we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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