then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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