I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
