I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
