I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
