tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
