I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
