I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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