i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
