I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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