He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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