too bad you live with your parents still
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
