Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This house was built for laser tag.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
