when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
