Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
