Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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