More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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