I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
