bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
