She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
