Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
