Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize