I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
