I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize