So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
operation have a gay friend backfired
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
