I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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