I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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