last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
