Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
