What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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