she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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