as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
