pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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