I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
