He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
