pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
