There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
