They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
