I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
