In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
