I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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