Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is wine microwaveable?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize