I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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