hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
