If i come over, it means nothing
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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