I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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