I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
