have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
