were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
