I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
