The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
