I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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