Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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