They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
