when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
