im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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