dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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