there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
