You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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