Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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