Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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