I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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