I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
