im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
