70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
