In the future we'll all be gay
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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