I cannot find my penis.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
