Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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