A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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