whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
