Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
