I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
