My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
