Bisexual people are plain selfish.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
