so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
