i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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