god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
