I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
