I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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