You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
