i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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