I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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