matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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