help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
