ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
