you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize