Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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