this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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