Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
