gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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