so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
