And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
