I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
