hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
