Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
