Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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