You made me cry and you don't even care
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
