sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
