I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
