Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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