I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
