he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
