a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
