the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
