I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
